Friday, February 13, 2009

And Carson Daly Will Also Start Painting His Pinky Nail Black Again

It seems like only yesterday we were watching the original Total Request Live host uncomfortably fist pump Juvenile one day and slip into his Vans to interview The Offspring the next without a woo-ing studio audience of tweens to support him. With November bringing TRL to its close after a decade-long run, I thought I would never hear about Fred Durst's oral fixations on former pop princesses, listen to another Eminem song about his custody battle for Hailey, or see the crystallized image of Mark Hoppus' genitals ever again... but this week proved me wrong.

Mr. Hoppus, a still-maimed Travis Barker, and fellow originator of the ever-popular and masculine lip ring, Tom DeLonge appeared at the Grammy's this past Sunday to tell the world something special...

"We used to play music together, and we decided we're going to play music together again," the gimpy one told the crowd. Just to make things clear, Mark yelled, "Blink-182 is back!" Well, slap my chain wallet, stencil my neck tattoo, and serenade me with four-syllable lyrical stanzas. But while you were slipping into your banana suit...

Another TRL classic late 90s/early 00s rock band decided to also reemerge. Did someone order a chocolate starfish or some hot dog-flavored water? Because Fred Durst is apparently serving it up again. "We decided we were more disgusted and bored with the state of heavy popular music than we were with each other," the group said in a joint statement. "Regardless of where our separate paths have taken us, we recognize there is a powerful and unique energy with this particular group of people we have not found anywhere else. This is why Limp Bizkit is back." Who doesn't look back on the success of "Nookie" as a peak moment in music's creative bell curve chart? If the popularity of sticking cookies up one's ass is any indication, I'd say next to no one. Seriously though, it's taken me almost 10 years to get over my nightmares about Limp's guitarist Wes Borland's monochromatic black contacts.

Together, he and Fred look like an uncute version of a Capuchin from
Monkey Trouble.

And in the final part of the 2009 TRL trifecta of the second week of February, Eminem aka Slim Shady aka Marshall Mathers is back on top with "Crack A Bottle." As the bleached blonde says in his follow-up to classics like "My Name Is..." and "Stan," "The platinum trio's back on you hos." Of course, he's referencing Dr. Dre and Fiddy Cent, but I'd like to look at it as a prophetic remark on this moment in history with Limp and Blink.

Now if only Dream would reunite.

UPDATE: Ask and ye shall receive apparently... but in a cheap Chinatown imitation version. Much to my surprise, Oh No They Didn't today posted a video of Dream covering Britney Spears' "If U Seek Amy," except the group now only performs in fanciful master bathroom venues and has all but two members, none of whom are the pretty one, busted one, blonde one, or short-haired one from the original group and one of whom was my personal favorite contestant on American Idol's single-season kiddie spin-off, American Juniors, Jordan McCoy. Despite the fact that even powder room acoustics can't help this shit sound good and the fact that I know sequels generally do not surpass the original (except Grease 2 and Sister Act II: Back in the Habit, obvs), I may or may not be a little bit looking forward to this.

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