Stalkward: Catwalk Edition

Fashion Week tends to bring together an odd smattering of celebrities, all desperate to sit front row for the first look at designer collections, which is over in a matter of minutes. And this week was no exception-- the Bryant Park tents were full of forced photo ops.

Exhibit A) Kanye West. Jared Leto, Chace Crawford, and Patrick Wilson unite at the Calvin Klein Menswear Fall 2009 fashion show on February 15, 2009.

Jordan Catalano obviously didn't get the memo that pouring peroxide on your head sort of discounts your effort to blend in via his monochromatic black ensem and matching aviators. Either that or Chace, who could easily be confused for the Madam Tussauds version of himself, just hit on him, making him super uncomf. Patrick Wilson's futile lean towards the more relevant stars is about as sad as the fact that I know him best for being quasi-castrated by Ellen Page in Hard Candy and dancing and lip syncing to Annie Get Your Gun's "Anything You Can Do" with Claire Danes in a Gap ad. Perhaps he was trying to name drop Claire as a commanality between himself and Mr. Leto, though he's probably as disinesterated as Jordan was in her. Kanye seems completely unaware of the other people he's being photographed with because, let's face it, he's "THE NUMBER ONE HUMAN BEING!!!!!!1!!!!11!"

Exhibit B) On the same day, Mischa Barton, Minka Kelly, and Kristen Bell attended the Miss Sixty Fall 2009 fashion show.

Kristen is obvs desperate for some face considering her current claim to fame is the voice on a TV show she's too old for, but doesn't know that a scarf does not a respectable celebrate make. Mischa is trying to fake a smile since realizing removing herself from The O.C. in a fiery car chase, thus leading to a drug binge only rivaled by Amy Winehouse in this century wasn't exactly a good career move. And Minka's about as shocked as I am that she's famous enough to sit front row at any show during Fashion Week, even one as insignificant as Miss Sixty, and that either of the women sitting next to her are relevant enough to be photographed.

What's Scarier Than Seeing Mickey Mouse Out Of Costume?

THIS:

Though I obviously agree with her sentiments, seeing Dorota (played by Zuzanna Szadkowski) in her appropriately old-timey maid costume, but sounding like a soccer mom who operated a phone sex line in 1994, is immensely horrifying. Generally, I'm not a television conspiracy theorist (except when it comes to the disappearance of Judy on Family Matters and the mom switch on Fresh Prince of Bel Air). But, as I've shared with some of you before, I’m convinced that the final shot of Gossip Girl will be from the behind the head of Blair Waldorf’s trusty maidservant, disguising her Polish accent as the show’s narrator, Kristen Bell. Sitting at her laptop, it's revealed that she's the one revealing the dirty laundry of the Upper East Siders she picks up after... And yes, I do know I love her. Ever since D referenced Facebook group searches ("I join few groups") and revealed her “I’m A Slave 4 U” ringtone for Miss Blair’s urgent calls, I have been domestically smitten. But listening to this interview, combined with the image I've come to know, trust, and strain to understand, left me feeling what I'd imagine every little goy feels when they learn there's no Santa.