Sapphic, Graphic, Spiraling... Cover Girls

Most Bummed She Missed Her Opportunity to Appear on "The L Word" as a Lady GaGa Impersonator:

Nicole Richie on BlackBook

Most Likely to Leave the Least to the Imagination:
Blake Lively and Leighton Meester on Rolling Stone

Most Obvious Use of Fashion as a Metaphor for Her Unlikely Fame and Fortune:
Lady GaGa on Les Inrockuptibles (aka aforeignmagazineweveneverseen)

What's Scarier Than Seeing Mickey Mouse Out Of Costume?

THIS:

Though I obviously agree with her sentiments, seeing Dorota (played by Zuzanna Szadkowski) in her appropriately old-timey maid costume, but sounding like a soccer mom who operated a phone sex line in 1994, is immensely horrifying. Generally, I'm not a television conspiracy theorist (except when it comes to the disappearance of Judy on Family Matters and the mom switch on Fresh Prince of Bel Air). But, as I've shared with some of you before, I’m convinced that the final shot of Gossip Girl will be from the behind the head of Blair Waldorf’s trusty maidservant, disguising her Polish accent as the show’s narrator, Kristen Bell. Sitting at her laptop, it's revealed that she's the one revealing the dirty laundry of the Upper East Siders she picks up after... And yes, I do know I love her. Ever since D referenced Facebook group searches ("I join few groups") and revealed her “I’m A Slave 4 U” ringtone for Miss Blair’s urgent calls, I have been domestically smitten. But listening to this interview, combined with the image I've come to know, trust, and strain to understand, left me feeling what I'd imagine every little goy feels when they learn there's no Santa.

Behind the Scene: Lost in the Fauxmance

At first glance, this might appear to be a picture of the second stringers of Gossip Girl's real-life relationships, Ed Westwick (Chuck) and Jessica Szohr (Vanessa) making out like a three-week long fifth grade couple. But upon closer examination, the genuine star is seated (incorrectly, in my opinion) behind Jessica, who is about as good at making us believe she's enjoying that kiss as she it at making us believe she's a underprivileged Brooklynite. There's Lost's Cheech Marin, who plays David Reyes, trying to ignore the forced PDA sesh and probably still wondering why his TV son, Hurley doesn't appear to have lost a pound after an extended stay on a island that may or may not exist in our time-space continuum.

I'd like to think that this serendipitous court side seating went a bit more smoothly than America's and Jay-Z's below, perhaps leading to a Lost/Gossip Girl crossover episode, which would likely go something like this (and is tentatively imaginarily titled, "XOXO, Jacob")...

We find out that during those 17 years Hurley was eating his feelings after his father had abandoned him, Papa Reyes was employed by the Bass family as a manservant to help rear Chuck while his father, Bart spent his time stalking his wives, participating in high class prostitution rings, and ridiculing his son's love of purple. When he wasn't watching "Expose," David taught lil' Chuck the ways of the world and (GASP) even took him on a Camaro cruise to the Grand Canyon. Upon learning this, Hurley goes bonkers and is sent back to Santa Rosa Mental Health Institute, where he befriends Georgina Sparks, who was removed from boot camp and sent to the home of the crazies for continuing to obsess over her imaginary boyfriend Stan Gumphrey. Together, Hurley and Georgina plot against Bass Industries, a subsidiary of... dun dun dun... WIDMORE INDUSTRIES! What secrets will the mental patients unearth? Is Chuck secretly Penny's half brother? Why is Chace Crawford a paid actor? Is Nelly Yuki Miles' daughter? Is asking that question any more racist than the assumption that Miles is Dr. Chang's son because he's Asian or pulling our eyes back a la Miley Cyrus? So many questions-- I wonder if JJ Schwabrams will ever give us the answers.