Hokey Pokey 2009: Disney Slut Stylez

For those of who aren't watching the Disney Channel religiously, A) why? and B) you may not know that people under the age of 12 and myself are counting down until April 10th, when Hannah Montana hits the big screen in a non-3D movie featuring the fierce mic stand moves of Kenny Ortega. Though the soundtrack will feature 12 new original songs (three of which start with the word, "Let's" because Hannah's really stoked to do stuff and two of which include the word "Girl" because she's also a star, just like us), by far, the best and most aptly titled is "Hoedown Throwdown."

Obviously, this is Disney's effort to create a line dance the kiddies can do, but if you can find a kindergarten who can follow this shit...

Pop it, lock it, polka-dot it
Countrify then hip-hop it
Put your arm in the sky, move side to side
Jump to the left, stick it, glide
Zig zag across the floor
Shuffle in diagonal
When the drum hits, hands on your hips
One foot in, 180 twist
And then a zig zag, step, slide, lean in left, clap three times
Shake it out, head to toe
Throw it all together that's how we roll
Do the hoedown (throwdown)
Do the hoedown (throwdown)
Do the hoedown (throwdown)
Throw it all together that's how we roll

... pimp that child out because s/he's a nonsensical dance instruction prodigy.

UPDATE: Disney Channel aired a video of the Zig Zag.

I'm equally, if not more, confused and additionally irritated by this "Boom De Clap" bidness.