Stalkward: It Might Be A Tumor

In between dodging rumors he'll appear in Terminator Salvation and promoting the green life, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger made some time for his third love, bodybuilding when he stopped by the Arnold Sports Festival in scenic Columbus, Ohio this weekend. The original pregnant man (you know you want to Neflix Junior right now) took some time to visit his old muscley stomping grounds to congratulate this beauteous chunk o' chocolate, Ms. Iris Kyle who won the Miss International body building competition at Arnold's self-titled world's largest multi-sports festival. The roids have obviously shrunk her genitals down to the stage where they shriveled up and hid between her massive thighs, understandably so. If only the guys on RuPaul's Drag Race could master that tuck.

The Truth Will Prebale

After hearing Christian Bale's infamous on-set rant in many forms now (the original, the remix, the remix part deux, the F*ckin Newsies trailer, and the Terminator Salvation trailer), I've come to a realization. Apparently, much like when they sing, English speakers with non-American accents sound exactly the same when they bitch you the fuck out. While there may be some points where Bale's Welsh accent becomes audible, he mainly sounds like any Jersey driver who's been cut off on the parkway or me every time those dreaded four gray block letters pop up on my television screen after 60 minutes of archip-illogical mind fuckery with JJ Abrams. I have long wondered why I can't understand the majority of Celine Dion's interviews (aurally... content's obviously another issue), but can make out every word of "Because You Loved Me." (Note: The exception, of course, is the Spice Girls' Mel B.) Fur seers, if anyone has any answers as to why everyone sounds like US citizens whilst uttering fuck-filled rants and/or romantic pop diddies, share... please.

UPDATE: E-ruminations from My Mama
(Please note in this unedited electronic message that I received from my mom, she nearly made Perez Hilton's favorite Bale-istic joke unintentionally. God bless her. Also, for reference purposes, Opera Lady Judy and Broadway Voice Coach Man are the two neighbors I'm sandwiched between who sing and play the piano apparently "professionally" whenever they wish to recreate my version of No Exit.)

Now as I recall and I'm going back way way back to my college days

sooooooo needless to say that was a very, very long time ago when I took phonetics.............

BUT I did learn that when people sing, they sing phonically and they sing the vowels phonically hence the reason for not hearing an accent.....

but if you really want to know I am certain you could ask Opera Lady Judy or Broadway Voice Coach Man and they could tell you because

I AM SURE THEY WOULD KNOW!!!!!!

haha

PS--I have no answer for the cursing other than to guess that

when people curse, they must curse phonically as well!!!!!!!! ?????????????

Think about it---if British people said 4 letter words with a British accent they wouldn't/couldn't be curse words because it would just sound too "lovely".

I'm just sayinggggggggg-----------

PPS-Don't quote me on this b-c my phonetics professor was an asshole and probably made this shit up!!!! hahahahah BUT I'm not kidding about him--he was the meanest, scariest man and his name was Christian Bale--------JKJKJKJKJK that wasn't his name but the rest IS true!--he too would definitely have been someone to go ballistic at his mom!!

XOOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX