Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Truth Will Prebale

After hearing Christian Bale's infamous on-set rant in many forms now (the original, the remix, the remix part deux, the F*ckin Newsies trailer, and the Terminator Salvation trailer), I've come to a realization. Apparently, much like when they sing, English speakers with non-American accents sound exactly the same when they bitch you the fuck out. While there may be some points where Bale's Welsh accent becomes audible, he mainly sounds like any Jersey driver who's been cut off on the parkway or me every time those dreaded four gray block letters pop up on my television screen after 60 minutes of archip-illogical mind fuckery with JJ Abrams. I have long wondered why I can't understand the majority of Celine Dion's interviews (aurally... content's obviously another issue), but can make out every word of "Because You Loved Me." (Note: The exception, of course, is the Spice Girls' Mel B.) Fur seers, if anyone has any answers as to why everyone sounds like US citizens whilst uttering fuck-filled rants and/or romantic pop diddies, share... please.

UPDATE: E-ruminations from My Mama
(Please note in this unedited electronic message that I received from my mom, she nearly made Perez Hilton's favorite Bale-istic joke unintentionally. God bless her. Also, for reference purposes, Opera Lady Judy and Broadway Voice Coach Man are the two neighbors I'm sandwiched between who sing and play the piano apparently "professionally" whenever they wish to recreate my version of No Exit.)

Now as I recall and I'm going back way way back to my college days
sooooooo needless to say that was a very, very long time ago when I took phonetics.............
BUT I did learn that when people sing, they sing phonically and they sing the vowels phonically hence the reason for not hearing an accent.....

but if you really want to know I am certain you could ask Opera Lady Judy or Broadway Voice Coach Man and they could tell you because

PS--I have no answer for the cursing other than to guess that
when people curse, they must curse phonically as well!!!!!!!! ?????????????
Think about it---if British people said 4 letter words with a British accent they wouldn't/couldn't be curse words because it would just sound too "lovely".
I'm just sayinggggggggg-----------

PPS-Don't quote me on this b-c my phonetics professor was an asshole and probably made this shit up!!!! hahahahah BUT I'm not kidding about him--he was the meanest, scariest man and his name was Christian Bale--------JKJKJKJKJK that wasn't his name but the rest IS true!--he too would definitely have been someone to go ballistic at his mom!!

1 comment:

  1. Hands down, this has Lor written all over it. Opera lady can shove it up her poorly trained ass! To think that woman TEACHES people how to sing is horrific.

    I want to smash that piano Broadway out.