Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Behind the Scene: Lost in the Fauxmance

At first glance, this might appear to be a picture of the second stringers of Gossip Girl's real-life relationships, Ed Westwick (Chuck) and Jessica Szohr (Vanessa) making out like a three-week long fifth grade couple. But upon closer examination, the genuine star is seated (incorrectly, in my opinion) behind Jessica, who is about as good at making us believe she's enjoying that kiss as she it at making us believe she's a underprivileged Brooklynite. There's Lost's Cheech Marin, who plays David Reyes, trying to ignore the forced PDA sesh and probably still wondering why his TV son, Hurley doesn't appear to have lost a pound after an extended stay on a island that may or may not exist in our time-space continuum.

I'd like to think that this serendipitous court side seating went a bit more smoothly than America's and Jay-Z's below, perhaps leading to a
Lost/Gossip Girl crossover episode, which would likely go something like this (and is tentatively imaginarily titled, "XOXO, Jacob")...

We find out that during those 17 years Hurley was eating his feelings after his father had abandoned him, Papa Reyes was employed by the Bass family as a manservant to help rear Chuck while his father, Bart spent his time stalking his wives, participating in high class prostitution rings, and ridiculing his son's love of purple. When he wasn't watching
"Expose," David taught lil' Chuck the ways of the world and (GASP) even took him on a Camaro cruise to the Grand Canyon. Upon learning this, Hurley goes bonkers and is sent back to Santa Rosa Mental Health Institute, where he befriends Georgina Sparks, who was removed from boot camp and sent to the home of the crazies for continuing to obsess over her imaginary boyfriend Stan Gumphrey. Together, Hurley and Georgina plot against Bass Industries, a subsidiary of... dun dun dun... WIDMORE INDUSTRIES! What secrets will the mental patients unearth? Is Chuck secretly Penny's half brother? Why is Chace Crawford a paid actor? Is Nelly Yuki Miles' daughter? Is asking that question any more racist than the assumption that Miles is Dr. Chang's son because he's Asian or pulling our eyes back a la Miley Cyrus? So many questions-- I wonder if JJ Schwabrams will ever give us the answers.

No comments:

Post a Comment