Though it's been nearly a month since she premiered this look at the Golden Globes, Drew Barrymore (who apparently has a tongue ring now) is currently on the chick flickiest of media tours promoting He's Just Not That Into You. In conjunction with the film's title and premise, CBS asked "Dr. Drew" for dating advice. Obviously, the former wife of a man whose greatest accomplishment was "The Bum Bum Song" is an expert. I guess that's why her hair is so big-- because it's full of relationship secrets.
With gems like "I'm like a shark who somebody stuck two knives in my eyes," she's obviously well- and logically- versed in matters of the heart. Plus, she knows her speech impediments well enough to avoid similes using copious amounts of s's. Wait, I'm sorry... did she actually say "verbal gymnathtiths?"
But perhaps the greatest pearl of wisdom Ms. Barrymore bestowed upon us via Julie Chen was this: "Men build bridges. They want to get from here to there. They make it happen. They can find you. If they're not calling, they're not in! I mean, it's amazing what lengths men will go to get from here to there." When asked about her gender's relationship with overpasses, she said, "We want to decorate it and talk about how fabulous it's going to be in 30 years." Apparently to Drew, all women are prophetic Carson Kressleys.
Of course, we could blame these absolutely nonsensical love lessons on the excessive drugs and alcohol she experimented with back when the rest of did in fourth grade, but I'm going to have to go ahead and say it's the aerosol cans she likely both inhaled while spraying to secure her coiff. I do, however, appreciate the comb-over approach during the CBS interview. Perhaps it was an homage to BFF Cameron Diaz' infamous There's Something About Mary hair, but it's a bit problematic when you're resembling a look styled with semen. Juuuuust sayin'.