Friday, February 6, 2009

Today's Unsnug Hero

The Snuggie infomercial has obviously transcended something the kids were talking about whilst staying up late searching for Girls Gone Wild infomercials on television on a school night. Though the ads for America's original blanket with sleeves started airing back in October, this answer to chilly campfire nights and cold high school bleachers has finally made its way to the circle of middle-aged folk who control the media. Besides the recent news that my parents' neighbors bought one and got one free (thus rendering my childhood home the newest sight for meetings amongst the cult-du-sac inhabitants) and this USA Today article, the fact that NBC's The Today Show recently made Matt Lauer, his co-hosts, and seemingly every employee partake in some fleecey fun is evidence that the Snuggie has officially made its mark in our country's informercistory.
Matt got glib (glib, glib, glib) on the air the other day and said, with a haughty chuckle, that he'd, "rather be caught dead than wear a Snuggie." Cue producers' plans for public humiliation. With the gender color assignments in place-- the ladies in crimson and the lads in indigo-- The Today Show hosts all put on their Snugday's best, as Matt hung his head in shame and said, “I’m having chest pains as we speak." Uh duh. That's because once he slipped into the fuzzy straight jacket, he joined the cult of Xenu-worshipping, satanic, gospel-singing monks all you crazy fuckers who would pay $19.99 for this are sold into. If Matt manages to get his way out of his backwards robe, perhaps he'll be able to stop the palpitations. But until then, we'll watch him live out his final days wrapped in warmth, eating only his hateful words about one of this generation's greatest inventions.

Meanwhile, increasingly creepy weatherman Al Roker, loudly asked if they make Snuggies for two... another hint he's a Smucker's centenarian birthday wish away from replacing Willard Scott as the morning news program's go-to fedora-wearing crazy old guy.