Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Rosetta Stoned

Obviously you've all seen this photo by now of dolphin boy, Michael Phelps dipping his bottlenose into a device used to smoke marijuana. But as I watched The View this morning in my masochistic activity for the day, Elisabeth Hasselbeck bitched at a pitch only audible by dogs about how the way the Olympic god acted should be met with consequences, i.e. everyone's favorite male butterface, in her valued opinion, should be stripped of his endorsement deals. Though he's sponsored by Speedo, Omega, Visa, Subway, Kellogg, Rosetta Stone, PureSport, Hilton Hotels, 505 Games, and more, so far, very few have come forward to chastise Mr. Phelps, mostly just offer their support.
  • Omega called the situation a "nonissue." (via Yahoo!)
  • Speedo maintained that Phelps is a "valued member of the Speedo team." (via Yahoo!)
  • "We continue to support Michael Phelps as an athlete whose numerous athletic feats outshine an act of regrettable behavior," Hilton Hotels said, which is only fair considering the family name is full of indiscretions. (via Yahoo!)
  • Though their contract with Phelps ended on December 31, 2008, Rosetta Stone said, "We do not condone his activities and are disappointed in his recent judgment." (via Yahoo!)
  • "We have spoken with Michael, and he has expressed regret for the situation, has committed to being accountable and improving his judgment in the future," a Visa spokesperson said. "We intend to support him as he looks to move forward."(via
I'm not really expecting to hear anything from Subway, considering they stayed tight-lipped when news broke that their head former fatty, Jared Fogle ran a high-class pornography rental ring from his college dorm room. Despite Michael's well-crafted public apology, "I promise my fans and the public-- it will not happen again," I worry about what kind of effect this will have on his mom Debbie's line of Chico's pantsuits.

Honestly, the pot-smoking porpoise's apology just should have gone something like the last 15 seconds of this:

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